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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045198">the wounds that bind us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourLocalPriestess/pseuds/YourLocalPriestess'>YourLocalPriestess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Confrontations, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Reconciliation, post-Arrival, pre-ME3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:02:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,815</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045198</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourLocalPriestess/pseuds/YourLocalPriestess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard, injured and worn down, is on her way to the Citadel to face trial for the destruction of the Bahak system. On the way, the SR2 is intercepted by familiar faces who are determined to see Shepard before she takes this next uncertain step toward her future.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard/Ashley Williams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Spectre Requisitions 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the wounds that bind us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/gifts">Settiai</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was my first time writing a polyam ship, aaaaa! And it was really fun to play with those dynamics as well as write this as a gift in Spec Req!! </p><p>I hope you enjoy Settiai! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose and huffed out a breath while she examined the datapad that held her report on the Kenson mission. Her eyes burned from too many hours staring at the screen, running through the information again and again and willing the bile to stop rising in her throat as she did. While her stomach barely remained settled, she continued to read on anyway. No piece of it could be out of place, no detail missing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s the least I can do.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She shifted in her seat and winced when a sharp pain shot up her leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave it to me to nearly lose a fucking leg </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she mumbled to herself, wincing again as she finished shifting herself into a more comfortable position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Language, commander.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up to find Joker standing in her office overlooking her messy room, lifting one mobility aide by way of greeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard smirked. “As if you’re one to talk, Moreau.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s different. I’m an invalid. I’m allowed to be a disgrace to social norms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and set her datapad down. “What’s up? Did Anderson call again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joker frowned, a strange look flitting across his gaze as he broke eye contact and scuffed one of his boots on the floor. “There’s someone here to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here? In space? And en route to the Citadel?” She laughed once. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged once. “They came specifically to see you </span>
  <em>
    <span>before</span>
  </em>
  <span> you reached the Citadel. Just requested we stop so they can dock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They?” Shepard was frowning now. She tried to sit up straighter and winced when the pain made its way past her leg and into her lower back. “Stop being cryptic, Joker. Who the fuck is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally made eye contact with her again, his mouth a thin hard line. “Alenko and Williams, Commander.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ice slipped down her spine, freezing her in place and halting her breath. She opened her mouth to say– She didn’t know what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to let them on board, Shepard.” Joker’s voice was quieter than before, a note of pity in it. “You don’t owe them anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Her voice came back all at once and too fast. “No. They can board. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joker’s mouth was back to that thin hard line. “Alright. I’ll let them know.” He left then, the sound of his steps and mobility aids echoing and filling her room until he entered her elevator, and then she was alone in the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How long until they were on board? How long until they darkened her doorway? What did they want? Why had they come all this way just to see her before she made it to Citadel space? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Are they still together? Do they want one last chance to tell me to fuck off? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She tried to get a handle on her breathing, which was only coming through her lungs in staccato bursts. She couldn’t be a paralyzed mess in front of them both. She just couldn’t. She picked up the datapad again and tried to let its contents occupy her thoughts, but none of the words registered.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They’re both here. On my Ship. To see me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Those thoughts played on repeat in her mind until she could hear the echoes of footsteps outside her door. The woosh of the door lock opening shot her heart into overdrive. She gripped the datapad harder in her lap and continued to pretend to read it for as long as she could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shepard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard swallowed and looked up, and instantly flushed. Ashley was standing a few feet from the foot of her bed, her hand halfway reaching toward her while her face was twisted in some unnamable pain. Kaidan leaned against the shelf at the top of the stairs leading to her bedroom proper, frowning with his arms folded. He was watching Ashley, the protective glint in his eyes so familiar and foreign at once that it brought a lump to her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash.” She set the datapad down and willed her voice not to tremble as she set her hands in her lap. “Kaidan. I would stand, but, well.” She gestured to her left leg which was swollen and lined with long metal braces to keep her from bending or jostling it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a long time, no one said anything. Ashley let her hand drop into a loose fist at her side and pressed her lips together. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God, her lips…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kaidan just kept watching Ashley with the same look, his gaze unwavering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” Shepard finally asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still silence. Ashley looked back at Kaidan, who shook his head once, and then she looked at Shepard again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look,” Shepard huffed. “As pleasant as it is to sit here in uncomfortable silence, is there a reason you’re both here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We– We wanted to see you,” Ashley said, her voice quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unbidden, a single black laugh bubbled out of Shepard’s chest. “Sorry, sorry.” She shook her head, another laugh threatening to escape her. “That’s just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>so funny</span>
  </em>
  <span> to me. We must have different memories of Horizon. What could you possibly need from me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley winced and took a step back. Kaidan’s frown deepened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think that’s fair?” Kaidan asked, something black and burning in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair?” Shepard laughed again. Or maybe that one was a sob. She couldn’t tell. “Do you think it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I was brought back to life after I already gave this mission everything? Do you think it’s</span>
  <em>
    <span> fair</span>
  </em>
  <span> that after two years of death I wake up as the property of what I knew was a terrorist organization? Do you think it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I felt terrified to even reach out to people I care about for fear of them not believing me or scaring them away? Do you think it’s fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair</span>
  </em>
  <span> that the first time I see the two people I loved more than anything else in this goddamned universe, they realize those exact fears to my face? Do you?!” Her control was too frayed for this. Angry tears slipped down her face. She wiped at them furiously, and in the process jostled herself so roughly that she slipped to her left, making her cry out as pain ricocheted through her leg and up her spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley was at her side in a second, sitting on her left and holding her shoulders as Shepard righted herself. Once she was settled, Ashley wiped one of the errant tears away, her touch blazing against Shepard's skin, and let her hand drop to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never seen you cry,” the soldier whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, I’ll try not to make a habit of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley smirked at her, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Kaidan had moved closer now, his expression softer after Shepard’s outburst and subsequent self-inflicted pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard shook her head and leaned it back against her headboard, picking a piece of ceiling to occupy her mind. “Why are you both here, really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We saw the footage of Harbinger. We saw you stop the invasion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We came to apologize,” Kaidan added, his rich voice sending such a familiar warmth through Shepard’s chest that it made her ache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard looked at the lieutenant, who was finally looking at her, and felt her nostrils flare as she attempted to keep back a new wave of tears. “Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley placed her hand over Shepard’s. “We were wrong. I was–” she shook her head, “I thought you were dead. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> dead. And then you were just standing in front of me, brighter and more alive than ever…and you were with Cerberus. We had been ordered to take out any Cerberus we encountered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew we couldn’t do that. As soon as I heard your voice over comms, I nearly abandoned my entire squad just to try and find you,” Kaidan added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We both did. I don’t even know how to describe that feeling. We just started following your comm chatter immediately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know this part,” Shepard bit back, pulling her hand out of Ashley’s grasp. “You find me, tell me to fuck off forever, and ride off into the sunset with your happily ever after.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley reared back, a wounded look on her face, but Kaidan was behind her in time to steady her with a hand on her shoulder. Kaidan, for his part, also looked hurt, but he leaned toward her to touch her arm lightly. Shepard hated the way his touch still sent heat coursing through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you think? That we just moved on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now the flush reached Shepard’s face. “Obviously. You both made that abundantly clear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Laura–”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Shepard’s sharp cry cut Ashley off abruptly. “Please,” she choked out. “I am...happy you both have each other. Truly. But I just– You can’t do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, darling,” Ashley murmured, laying a hand on her cheek. “‘Life is brief, but love is long.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Tennyson line they had always invoked like a promise pulled at the last few cords holding Shepard’s control in place. She sobbed, tears slipping down her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaidan knelt on the floor between them both, placing his hand on Shepard’s. “I thought of you every day. You are in everything I do and every choice I make.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need me anymore,” Shepard whispered. She wanted to shy away, but they were both touching her, and it had been so goddamn long since she was touched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we don’t,” Kaidan agreed, and Shepard felt herself start to shy away, but they both held her in place. “But we miss you, and we love you still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We want to start again.” Ashley smiled softly, a spark of her old mischief that Shepard knew so well shining in her face. “If you can forgive us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to give this a chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard couldn’t breathe. They were both so close now that she could feel their heat, the waves of it matching the pounding in her heart. They were saying everything she had ever dreamed up on her loneliest nights. It was too good to be true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, she pulled Ashley close and crushed the other woman’s lips to hers. She’d always been better with actions than words, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they broke apart, Kaidan was smirking and a laugh from Ashley brushed across Shepard’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That looks like a yes to me,” he teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard pulled him up to her by the shirt. “Shut your mouth and kiss me, Alenko.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he did. He kissed her breathless until she could barely form words while Ashley alternated kissing up their necks. They joined her in her bed, and Shepard didn’t care that her leg was sending shards of pain through her with every new jostle. Kaidan and Ashley were here, and they were kissing her, and most importantly, they loved her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harbinger itself couldn’t keep her from this moment.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I always love an ending full of kissingggg.</p><p>Thank you so much for reading!! The universe is so lucky to have you in it.</p><p>Any comments/kudos/what-have-you's aprpeciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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